Every
person has a moment in their life when a decision they have made will have a
huge impact. Amna Durrani’s life was drastically changed when she made the
decision to run away from home.
Amna’s mother raised her with Muslim
values.
(Quote)
“My whole life I was smothered and closeted
and my life was being put on a path that I wasn’t planning on.”
(End Quote)
This path meant an arranged marriage in
Pakistan.
Amna grew up watching Pakistani
women complain about their lives, they were miserable and trapped in a loveless
marriage. This did not set a good precedent for Amna.
When she
reached the age of 18 her parents began to plan their trip to Pakistan, to find
a husband for her. However, Amna had dreams of going to college and becoming a
successful working woman. The predetermination of her life left her trapped in
a situation that she did not desire. She further explains that
(Quote)
“My parents cared how I felt, but they said
what I was feeling was wrong because it was against Islam.”
(End Quote)
And then, Amna met a boy from Ohio,
who wasn’t Muslim. Against everything her culture valued, Amna developed
intimate feelings for him, which led to a long distance relationship.
One night, while talking on the
phone with him, her mother walked in. She was outraged and threatening her with
words like, “If you’re going to be indecent than I wish you weren’t born.” Her
mother was so furious that Amna actually feared for her life.
This was the night that Amna
decided that her thoughts of running away finally had to be acted upon.
The next morning she had her files
transferred to the local high school in Athens, where her boyfriend lived.
And later that day, she packed everything
she owned, the most important things were underwear and her artwork.
And then, very early in the morning on
February 17, 2011, Amna packed up her friend’s truck. But, just before she shut
the door on the only family she’d ever known, her mother asked her where she was
going. After physically struggling to escape she realized that in that moment
her life would change forever.
It was far from easy for Amna to
cope with her decision, she admits to being overwhelmed and stressed for a very
long time after running away.
After graduating in Athens, she took
a year off to put her life back in order. During this time she had many
revelations, one of which was
(Quote)
“No matter what I did or did not do
she [her mother] would always be depressed or worried or stressed. That’s when
I realized that whatever I did wouldn’t make her happy. I’d be sacrificing my
happiness for nothing.”
(End Quote)
It has been
a year and a half since Amna has been home. She admits to having several
regrets, especially leaving her mother who lived life through her, pinning her
happiness on Amna.
The hardest
part about leaving for Amna was figuring out who she was. Her family disowned
her because she put shame on the family name. The only people she ever loved
didn’t accept her. Her mother still thinks that she is going to Hell. But,
while Amna admits that she isn’t exactly a Muslim anymore she is still
spiritual.
(Quote)
“I feel like if there was a god,
how could he stand to put somebody through eternal torment and pain? How could
I ever do anything to betray the all mighty being? I am so insignificant.”
(End Quote)
She truly does believe that if she
had stayed at home, for the sake of her mother’s happiness, then she would be
married in Pakistan right now.
Amna is one of many young women who
have rebelled against arranged marriages, and she suggests to any Muslim woman
who wants to run away to
(Quote)
“Think really hard about it, talk
to your parents, don’t put yourself in harm’s way, but tell them you are
planning on it.”
(End Quote)
Her main goals now are to be
accepted and to do something productive with her life.
Amna isn’t sure if she will ever
reconcile with her parents. But, she didn’t run away to betray them. She just
had to follow her heart.
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