All she could see were their shoes, but she could hear it
all, the gossip, the pep talks, the insults…
“There were sounds of girls throwing up, crying, screaming;
girls having sex and even cutting themselves, but it was so anonymous because all
I could see were their shoes.”
Cassandra Kelly grew up in Wadsworth, OH; a beautiful, safe
and peaceful farming town. She went to school with the same children all
through the seventh grade, and formed close bonds with many of them.
“We were all the same
country kids, white and middle-class. There were no cliques and no pressure to
conform to different labels. We were all happy and free to be ourselves.”
But then, the summer before eighth grade, Cassie’s family
moved to Westerville, a suburban city near Columbus, OH. That is when Cassie’s
peaceful life got turned around completely.
“I used to spend all
my time outdoors in Wadsworth, but in Westerville I was afraid to even go out
in the yard.”
Her school life was different too, students were very unaccepting
of the new girl and she had a lot of difficulty fitting in, but Cassie refused
to conform to the many stereotypes and labels and chose to stay her own person.
When Cassie finally graduated middle school, she grew
optimistic for the future, hoping to find acceptance in high school.
“I thought it would
be different, new school, new opportunities to make friends, but it wasn’t. I
just moved to a new building with the same kids from middle school and nothing
changed.”
High school turned out to be even worse for Cassie, she
witnessed her only friend conform and join a clique even though she was
miserable there. Cassie fought hard to keep her friend from their bad influence
but to no avail.
“She was so unhappy,
they were making her do things she didn’t want to and dress like a slut. But
she wanted to fit in so badly that she went along with it.”
Losing her only close friend was hard for Cassie, and she
even fought with the girls that were responsible for her friend’s unhappiness.
This ended up making things even worse for Cassie.
“They created some
strange rumor about me and no one would even talk to me anymore. I still don’t know
what it was that they said but it made life hell sophomore year.”
Cassie finally gave up on trying for acceptance, but she had
to face the bleak reality every day during lunch, when she would have no one to
sit with. She tried sitting with different groups but they didn’t want her
unless she dressed or acted like them.
“The art kids were actually pretty cool, but I didn’t smoke
pot so that didn’t work out. Finally I ended up eating in the handicapped stall
in the bathroom.”
And that was where Cassie witnessed the depression and fear
that all the girls in her school felt. Sitting, there, day by day, she heard
girls who were absolutely miserable and caught under so much pressure to change
and fit in.
“Girl’s would come in and talk to themselves saying “You’re
pretty, you’re thin, you’re popular.”, while they were crying. Sometimes they
would open the door and just scream.”
Being a silent witness to all of this affected Cassie too,
she started feeling even more depressed and finally, numb.
“I felt nothing; sometimes I would sit there and dig my
nails into my skin just to feel alive.”
Then, junior year, Cassie made a resolution to never eat in
the bathroom again. She joined the school newspaper and started finally making
friends, even a boyfriend. But she still couldn’t stop thinking of the girls in
the bathroom so she decided to do something about it.
“I’d heard about something similar in another school, it was
called ‘Operation Beautiful’, so I decided to start it at my school.”
Operation Beautiful was Cassie’s way of making these girls
raise their self-esteem. She started anonymously writing post-it notes saying things
like ‘You’re beautiful’, ‘You are amazing’, ‘You are loved’ and posting them
inside the stalls of the girls’ bathrooms.
“Almost immediately I started noticing replies on the notes,
and hearing girls talking about how wonderful they were. It made me feel really
good knowing I was making a difference.”
Cassie was a small town girl suddenly alone in a big city,
but she refused to give up her values and change herself just to be socially
accepted. Her strength and compassion led her to creating happiness in the
lives of the very people who had hurt her, and in a place that didn’t accept her.
People are still continuing ‘Operation Beautiful’ at her school.
Cassie is still the same person, except here at OU she has
found people who, like her, are true to themselves no matter what and respect
others for being the same. She no longer has to worry about labels or cliques and
can be herself around other like her.
“I don’t want to live a shallow life, I want significance
and beauty. I like to think about why things are the way they are, and here at
OU, I’ve found people who are just like me and it’s great to be able to be with
people who don’t walk through life with their eyes closed.”
